Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
