Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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