did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
