i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
