if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
