this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
