So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
