I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
