Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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