I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
