never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
