As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
