I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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