I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
