don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
