question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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