Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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