i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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