Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
