Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
