when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
