Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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