I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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