youre lurking in front of me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
