i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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