My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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