Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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