She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
