i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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