he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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