the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
