I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
