just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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