does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i came on her dog
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
