Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
