my mouth tastes like poor choices
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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