I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
