he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
