Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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