At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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