I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
