So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
