I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
