Yo dont text me then not text me
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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