It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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