the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
