Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
