I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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