You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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