So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
