Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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