Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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