I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
