He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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