dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
