i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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