Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
