If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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