don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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