New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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