why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
