I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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