I want to have your abortion
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
