I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
nutella sex= disaster
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
