So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
