I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
